The weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar a year business. Everyone is looking for the next Atkin’s Diet Revolution. Well, this just may be it folks. Take all that extra anger you’ve got and turn it into weight loss!
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Do remember in the early 90’s when everyone had tapes instead of CDs. We all had radios with tape recorders built-in. I’m sure you spent many a night mining the airwaves for your favorite song by pressing record before you fell asleep. The next morning you’d wake up and rewind the tape to see what gold nuggets you’d captured overnight.
Well I found one of my old radio mining tapes the other day so I thought I’d share with you the nuggets that I found.
Most of it was along these lines…
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But then I found this…
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Not many people have the right sort of personality to successfully start and keep a cult together. I mean L. Ron Hubbard did it, David Koresh did it, and Jim Jones did it. But do you think you have the charisma to hang with that group?
No, you don’t. The answer to your problem is the OSPG! Don’t waste your valuable time brainwashing your followers. Let the OSPG do it FOR you! Their one year guarantee is the longest in the industry! Give them a try!
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What with the demise of professional boxing in the public’s consciousness and the explosion of different fight leagues such as IFL, UFC, PRIDE Fighting championships, World Extreme Cagefighting, and smackgirl. Even “The Price is Right” going to an all Cagefighting format. I thought that I might be able to wedge one more niche fighting format into the publics already bloated psyche, and I think it could REALLY take off. Part “Beauty and the Geek” part “UFC” it’s “UGF - Ultimate Geek Fighting”. All you really need are some snazzy sound effects and a deep voiced announcer to make even the most boring sports sound riveting.
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Man, what are people thinking? I’ve met people that swear by chiropractors. “I went to him for five years and now I’m cured!” Did it ever occur to that your body just healed itself? My wife went to one who told her her rib was out. After she went four times, I finally made her go to an M.D. who said he’d never heard of a rib out and that can’t physically happen. He gave her some muscle relaxants and pain killers and she was fine in a few days. Why are people so willing to believe there is some magic alternative to medicine, anyway? Well, here’s J. Doctor Randy’s take.
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I’m not sure where this guy came from. But I was fascinated with a dude who waxes other dude’s buttholes for money. Seems like an odd calling. Do you think he goes home at night to his same-sex life partner and goes on and on about how MUCH he loves his work? Who knows. He’s cuban by the way….Sorta like that one guy from Seinfeld.
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If you are shopping for a new religion, this one could be perfect. No war, no tithing, no rituals. Just a one time purchase and you are set for life! What could be easier? Well, besides no religion at all, but some people need to worship something, Â might as well be this.
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The national zombie service forecast for this halloween looks like it’s going to be fairly clear for the suburbs of Spicerville and Buttonville with minor outbreaks of zombie activity expected in Dartside and Kinch Heights.
Residents living in Ridleybank and Stanbury Village are under a severe zombie activity warning. Residents are advised to remain indoors with all windows and doors secure. Procure a firearm and keep it loaded and at the ready. Set all zombie traps to “decapitate” and make sure pets are either indoors or in zombie proof enclosures.
The national zombie service recommends MILFCO brand zombie traps for all your zombie containment needs.
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I think if demonic possessions were more common we’d need something like this. I mean if the drug companies could make a fast buck by piercing the veil of spirituality don’t you think they would? They pierce just about every OTHER veil around don’t they? As a side note I’d like to apologize to the folks who brought us the “Evil Dead” series of movies. Sometimes it’s just too dang hard to write dialog for those possessed by unholy minions.
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Yes. I ripped that off Monty Python. What can I say? It’s a classic line. Anyway, here’s something you’d never expect to hear. 30 seconds of burping…My burping. Not for the weak of stomach. This BARELY comedy…but hey who cares?
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