Suck It Down!

What smells like ass?

ace — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 00:34:49 +0000

It’s always funny to me how a commercial can take a pretty obvious problem like BO or dirty toilets and make it seem like the end of the world if you have it AND an insurmountable problem without their product. Oh my GOODNESS your armpits stink! How did they ever get THAT way? You’re going to lose friends and your family will disown you if you don’t buy our clinical strength antiperspirant and deodorant. Sanchez Labs has taken that idea to its logical conclusion. I also think it’s interesting that there are certain scents that are acceptable for use on the human body. Maybe I don’t want my crotch to smell like honeysuckle and lilac…maybe I want it to smell like peanut butter or citrus burst.

MILFco’s Newest Product!

Smooth — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:12:11 +0000

I’m not saying I have big balls, but I certainly don’t know what it would be like to have small balls. Like little pees in a coin purse. If I couldn’t reach down there and roll around a hand full of stress relieving fun whenever I needed to, I don’t know what I’d do.
But, if you’ve ever felt inadequate or in need of a little help, maybe MILFco can help…

Need someone to walk your dog?

ace — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 01:56:10 +0000

I’ll admit. I’ve got a soft spot for dogs. That’s why when I’m at work I don’t take any chances with my dog walking service. I only hire the BEST in the field. Buying the Bone dog walking service has over 7 dog years of combined walking experience. You can basically trust them to take care of your precious puppy.

Quack quack quack…

Smooth — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 01:06:48 +0000

I knew J. Doctor Randy was a quack, but now he’s taken it to a whole other level. Really, he may not believe in chiropractic treatment or scientology but he certainly knows how to follow the money. Right now the winds of fiscal fortune seem to be blowing towards the anti-vaccine movement, so you can rest assured that he will jump on that band wagon. I don’t know if this is more funny, or scary.

Also check out Tom’s many many other commercials.

Pole Slammers

Smooth — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:11:34 +0000

If your town is anything like mine, then you have strip club after strip club after strip club featuring trashy girls that need a hepatitis vaccine. They play ads on the radio constantly. There’s VJJ’s, Pole Strokers, Dolls ‘n Balls, Stiffie’s, and Generic Restaurant just to name a few. But what about the forgotten minority? What about those poor guys who don’t want to see paper glued to women’s nipples? Well, I was out of town a few days ago, and I hear this on the radio. Enjoy.

Sanchez Brand Crotch Cream(TM)

ace — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 01:28:38 +0000

Let’s face it. Skanks are simply FUN to have sex with. There’s nothing better than going out with your buddies to some filthy bar, drinking a few beers, and then finding some woman who is desperately trying to regain her self respect by having sexual relations with any guy who reminds her of her stepfather. But there is a drawback to the aforementioned slag nabbing. It’s the crabs. Don’t worry though, the guys over at Sanches Labs have us all fixed up. I picked up a tube of their Crotch Cream(TM) and I’ve never been happier. It really DOES what it says it will!

2 new T-shirts!

ace — Mon, 11 May 2009 02:40:35 +0000

That’s right, two, count ‘em, two new T-shirts are now available! They cater to the two halves of the male population. The ones who are pussy whipped, and those who aren’t. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do right? So choose your poison. Pussy whipped, or Not pussy whipped.

Easy Relationship Manipulation Kit

Smooth — Sat, 09 May 2009 21:57:35 +0000

You’ve probably seen the commercials on TV where they turn and aggressive, angry teenager into a loving drone. I’ve always been skeptical of shortcut approaches like this. I guess I just don’t understand why people think manipulation is better than discussing things in the open, I mean if you’ve screwed your kids up for 15 years, you aren’t going to save them in an afternoon. It makes me wonder what living with this guy must be like. We may never know, but the next best thing would be living with Delmar Duncan. It’s pretty scary.

MILFCO Premium Dogfood

ace — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:53:00 +0000

Everyone knows that if you don’t feed your dog the most expensive kind of dogfood your best friend will shrivel up and die. What not everyone knows is that cow hoof is technically beef…just like how chicken feathers is still technically chicken. Milfco knows this…and they’re ready to capitalize.

New T-shirt added

ace — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:18:24 +0000

Just added a brand new T-shirt design to our stunning array of shirts. Inspired by the “Bumper sticker Heaven” sketch. This white plower t-shirt features the most famous white plower of all…Ron Jeremy!